Did I Do Something Wrong??

I have been at a conference all week for actors, models and talent for Christ (AMTC) and this is the last day. This is an awesome opportunity for those that are trying to start their careers or take them to the next level.

You are connected with industry experts (agents, managers and casting directors, etc.) from music to the big screen. And you learn so much information about their particular industry.

I was in acting categories and singing. If you don't know, I am new to this acting thing....ok, acting in front of people. But the response to my acting from others have been really great and positive. This must be another gift that God has given me that I now want to cultivate.

So they have this thing called "call backs". This is where the agents, managers etc. see your showcase and want to meet personally with you. Well there were some of them that were leaving the conference early, so they did their call backs before everyone else. I did not get 1. And I didn't get selected for the choir or the Finale.
:-(

Even though theirs call backs wasn't the only ones that would be posted, it was a little dishardening. It's kind of a stamp of approval that you are doing something right or that you have potential.

I know I was not the only one that did not get any, but I was trying to be strong for everyone else that didn't either. But every now and then, my heart would sink and I would get discouraged.

I have a friend who has been acting for years and she is really good. She didn't get any callbacks either. She was more crushed than me so I tried to be strong for her and not show much of my own disappointment. And as I encouraged her, I also encouraged myself.

I did have to ask myself, do I have that it factor? Many people have told me I do (friends and strangers). Am I wasting my time doing this music business and adding acting to my basket of God given talents? Did I do something wrong?

After I sang, I pumped my fist in the air because I was so glad that I did not let fear mess me up and the response from the crowd was amazing. I was so estatic and encouraged! But then I wondered if that seemed cocky to the judges. You never know.

I know that God has given me a gift(s) and talents and I have been a better steward over them the last few years. But that still does not exempt me from getting down at times and questioning myself and sometimes (in the past) God.

I have had many rejections in music alone. And to add the natural rejection that would come with acting, could i possibly take it? There will always be better singers and actors than me, and I am totally fine with that. But I don't want to spin wheels and burn rubber not going anywhere.

When I didn't get any call backs I was kind of embarrassed. Everyone (including self) was positive that I would at least get 1. But it didn't happen.

There were more call backs posted at 1:45 am this morning. I have to see them when I go to devotional. I don't know if I want to look. Could I take more disappointment? 0 + 0 = 0.

Well I guess this is the life of any artist, whatever type you may be. There are always going to be "no's" and disappointments before that 1 yes comes. I'm sure this is building my perseverance, but it doesn't fill good. How long will I have to persevere and when will the 'yes' come?